cats

today is the day that i would never forget. i mean im not exactly sure what is the date or day is today (cuz im on break, so it’s pretty much understable that you wont care much bout the hanging calender on the wall), but this moment in my life, would be the best (or worst) memory to be folded in history.

a few hours ago, mom asked me if it is ok to put the cats at some other places that are far from my house. mom couldnt stand the fact that they pissed on the floor and made some unpleasant smell that will worry her when the guess come visiting us. she also concerned about the cleanliness of her space to pray. i totally got it. in fact i dont like my praying space is contaminated by this mess either. and whats worse when your feet are still wet from wuduk, and by stepping on the dried piss really makes you feel kind of stepping on the freshly expelled urine from these cats. i totally got it.

it saddened me when the cat still has her babies to take care of. this cat actually wasnt part of the family before. we never rose a cat in our house. but mom constantly fed her during her pregnancy period, and once told her in motherly tone – aku boleh kasi kat hang makanan dan tempat tinggal sementara ja, aku mintak maaf aku tak mampu nak bela hang (i can only effort your temporarily food and shelter until u givebirth to your baby, im sorry im powerless to take good acre of you afterwards). i realised mom wasnt hating the cat, she only felt pity to the cat  which was restlessly finding food from many angels of this small alley to make sure her loads were in good health. so she frequently gave her uncooked fish and other leaf overs so that the cat didn’t have to move much for food. moms, they know each other.

but after one and half months, when all the kitten had grown a bit older, when they were unstoppable, barely controllable,  mom finally brought up the promise she made to the cat. we were in awe in a bad way. even though they were nasty fellows in the house, we enjoyed watching them doing crazy things. hearing the suggestion to chase the cat out of the house really made us swallow our own hearts. i couldnt stop hoping if this was a joke.

early in the morning, we tried putting them at the surau not far from here. mom tricked them with the rice mixed with some anchovy. minutes after. i saw a kitten at my doorstep and the cat left for another passengers. i laughed. mom too. this cat was brilliant. if not because of her kids urinating at the wrong place, mom would have changed the term ‘shelter’ to ‘home’ for them. i wanted to tell mom that they are still small, they dont know anything – i definitely had not gut. half part of me agreed with mom, another half didnt. i pitied them. they were like part of the team. i grew up with the kittens. and losing them is like losing someone important in life which i never experienced this feeling before.

i didnt gave in. to impress mom that i could handle this made me go out early today. i drew some of my cash and bought them the 2 bags of friskies. one for the mother and another one for the kidos. i specifically chose the package for kidos because i thought it’s cool. and its cute to and hoped that the kittens would well behave this time. i even brought them milk, the new delicious beverage to replace the plain water they got from the toilet. i really hope they would love to see the things i got from them when i got home.

as soon as reached home, mom was in the trial to put the cats at the garage. i shouted at mom that i bought them food begged to let them be for a few moments. i opened up the friskies and ushered the food to every single mouth. the cat really enjoyed it, but not for the kittens. i guessed thats probably because they still preferred their fresh yummy milk for the nipples.

Mom was at her worst. she couldnt stay cool anymore as she soon as she was done mopping the floor. she urged me to put the cats to some other place, and she literally meant that she wanted the cats to be disappeared from the house. at that time i felt really horrible, i was pulling at two opposite directions. i almost burst into tears simply for the fact that my compassion was ignored. i didnt blame mom. mom knows best. so i took the cat together with the kids into the car, and brought the food as well. i asked my sister to give her hand so that thing went fast so that i would suffer less.

on my way to the place that i had in mind, i looked at the cat’s face with all my passion. she just sat at the back seat, enjoying the view from rear window. she didnt talk, not even a single meow. but i knew she was sad thinking of her next future with her kids in new place. that really made my heart shattered like a broken glass. my sister was seating next to me, but she didnt say anything. i guessed we both encountered the same exact feeling. everybody seemed to enjoy the silence but the kittens, who kept meowing for no apparent reason. when we hit the place, i took them on the sofa they threw out, the cat and the food together, in hopes that some would take care of them, or just give them the food properly. i didnt turn around because i couldnt contain the guilt and the sadness i was suffering from. deep inside my heart was shaken ; i could really imagine my heart was literally crying. i winded up this moment by furiously pushing the paddle and leaving as quick as i could. only Allah knew my feelings no one would. speeding the car would not change anything apparently. i just let everything took place in me be it a bad feeling or not i didnt care. i paid for my ‘wrongdoing’.